It's Always Been There - 21 Drabbles
by RabbitHole26
Summary: 21 seperate Hanna/Emily drabbles based off of songs.
1. 11 Drabbles

_**These are 11 separate drabbles all inspired by different songs, so none of them are supposed to relate to each other. I've rated it T for mild sexuality and drug use (I blame the Kid Cudi and Drake songs…). Please don't hate me for #9 (which made me realize I have no idea how old these girls are supposed to be right now since PLL's timeline is so ridiculously messed up at this point) and I would love to hear what you guys think about it, even if it's just a quick little review. I really appreciate you all! **_

**Remember You – Wiz Khalifa (ft. The Weeknd)**

They're at a party and Emily still has no idea why any of them decided to come here. It's at the Kahn's cabin, but Noel is nowhere to be seen and it's packed. She swears that all of Rosewood High showed up, and as she pours more beer from the keg into her red cup, she realizes she's definitely drunk.

Out of nowhere Hanna appears, and she almost spills her entire drink on Emily as she hugs her.

"EMMMILLLYYY" she yells over the music, confirming that she is also drunk, "Come with me."

The blonde leads her best friend up to the attic of the cabin, where she had tried to seduce Sean years ago.

"This is better. It was getting crazy down there," Emily says, wandering around the space, floorboards creaking.

"This is where Sean turned me down that one night. Before I stole his car," Hanna comments, frowning at the memory.

"How could anyone possibly turn you down? I don't get it," the brunette commented, laughing to herself since the thought of _not_ wanting Hanna Marin was completely unrealistic in her mind.

A moment later Hanna is kissing Emily hard on the mouth, and even though it tastes like cheap beer and cigarettes, it's probably Emily's favorite first kiss.

**Everybody Leaves In The End – The Temper Trap**

Hanna walks into her 15th high school reunion alone, immediately grabbing a glass of wine from a server. Against her better judgment she had decided to make an appearance at the event, simply because she had been doing business in Philly yesterday and it seemed to be some sort of sign that she should stop by. After college she had moved to L.A. and had a promising career in fashion, she was working for one of the top designers at the moment, slowly working her way up in the company.

As she makes her way through the sea of people that look somewhat familiar, her eyes fall upon a brunette girl sipping her drink at the bar. The girl. Emily Fields.

The two had ended up going to the same college, which was four hours away from Aria and Spencer's, and she would be lying if she said nothing had ever happened between the two of them. Hanna had told Emily that she loved her their senior year, but after graduation she had freaked out and moved to L.A. without even telling the other girl. She had hated herself ever since, and she never fully got over it.

Emily's eyes meet Hanna's, and Hanna slowly approaches her, walking up to the bar. The brunette quickly finishes her drink and sets the empty glass down on the table before speaking, "I think you owe me a drink, Han."

A small smile crosses the blonde's lips as she orders two more rum and coke's and hands her money to the bartender.

**3. Whatever You Like – T.I.**

Spring Break. Panama City Beach. Hanna's idea, of course. The girls are on the beach and some kind of whipped cream licking contest is about to start on the giant stage overlooking the ocean. Spencer is looking around at everyone, muttering about littering and underage drinking and public intoxication and Aria is trying to get her to shut up and embrace the atmosphere.

Emily is checking out a couple of the girls who are laying out when suddenly she hears Hanna screaming her name. She looks around confused for a minute before finally spotting the blonde, on the stage, whipped cream can in hand.

"Get. Up. Here. I need a partner!" Hanna is yelling, gesturing for the brunette to join her on stage. Emily tries to shake her head no, but Spencer and Aria are shoving her towards the stage and before she knows it some random dude has pulled her up and placed her next to Hanna. She looks at their opponents and realizes every other couple is a guy and a girl. The random dude who is apparently running the contest starts spraying the whipped cream all over Hanna's stomach, chest and neck before handing her a cherry to place in her mouth.

"I am going to kill you," is all Emily can get out before they begin counting down to the start signal.

"I didn't want some random dude licking me! Just pretend I'm Paige... ew, actually pretend I'm a hotter version of her," Hanna yells before putting the cherry in her mouth with a smile. Emily shoots her a glare but then the buzzer sounds and her competitive side takes over, and she begins to lick the whipped cream.

Once she's got most of it off of Hanna, she goes for the cherry but stops, "Do I really have to?" she asks her friend, but Hanna grabs her face and pulls her into a passionate kiss, passing her the cherry. When she pulls away, the blonde winks and the crowd goes wild.

**You Only Live Once – The Strokes**

Summer in Rosewood, before Alison's disappearance.

Emily finishes in first place at the final race of her swim meet. It's a Saturday and the pool was closed all morning for the meet, but it's almost noon and the lifeguards are removing all of the equipment to prepare to open up to the public. She meets with her team for a couple of minutes and then heads over to claim some lounge chairs, since she knows that Alison is going to be there soon and will want a prime spot to tan.

Emily throws a couple of towels on a pair of chairs before someone taps her on the shoulder. It's Hanna.

"Congrats, Em! You did awesome out there!" the blonde girl smiles, sitting down on one of the chairs that Emily was claiming.

"You saw my race?" Emily questioned.

Hanna nods excitedly, "Yeah, and I was here for your relay in the beginning."

"I didn't know you were coming," the brunette continues, sitting in another chair next to her friend.

"Of course I did. That's what friends are for, right?" Hanna replies, pulling out the latest issue of Teen Vogue from her bag and beginning to flip through it.

Emily never forgets that Hanna was the only one who ever woke up early in the summer to watch her swim.

**Soundtrack 2 My Life – Kid Cudi**

"Let's just try it," Hanna says, holding out a skinny joint that she managed to buy off some guy in their grade. The two girls are sitting in the woods behind Emily's house after school, and it's the day before summer officially begins.

"I don't know, what if it makes us feel bad," Emily replies, a little scared about inhaling anything that isn't oxygen.

"Come on Em, we're going to be in High School next year! Plus, don't you want to tell Ali that we tried pot without her? She will be so jealous," Hanna continues fumbling in her bag for a lighter. She finds one and lights up, inhaling the smoke, holding it for a moment and then exhaling. She coughs a little bit.

"Shit, that's rough. You try," she hands the joint and lighter to Emily. The brunette sighs uneasily and copies what Hanna did, but ends up coughing up a storm.

"Here," Hanna laughs, taking back the pot and lighter, "Let's shotgun it, it should be easier for you to inhale, you newbie."

"Shotgun?" Emily replies, somewhat horrified.

"Relax, I'm just going to blow the smoke into your mouth, try to just breathe in. Ready?" Hanna asks before she inhales deeply, leans over and presses her mouth gently to Emily's lips, then exhales.

Emily has no idea if she even inhaled any of the smoke but she sure feels like she's high. Although she has a sneaking suspicion it had more to do with Hanna's lips on hers than the smoke.

**Diamonds – Rihanna**

Senior Prom. It's near the end of the dance when the DJ finally plays a slow song. All of the couples begin slowly swaying together in time with the beat, and the lights dim, just slightly.

Emily has her arms around some random guy that is friends with Toby, and she couldn't be more miserable. Spencer had begged her to go with him just so that she could come to the dance with her and Toby. Emily was technically single so she had agreed, but it ended up being torture. All night she had to watch Hanna dance with Ezra freaking Fitz's little brother, who Hanna had apparently gone out with a couple of times. Normally, this would be no big deal, except that Hanna and Emily had a _moment _last week, and Hanna had been acting weird ever since, refusing to talk about it with Emily.

As Emily looked over her date's shoulder at Hanna, she found that Hanna was looking over Wes' shoulder too, and the two locked eyes. Hanna mouthed, "I'm sorry," and it was too much for the brunette, so she broke away from whats-his-name and headed for the exit.

**Started From The Bottom – Drake**

Emily never considered herself a drinker until she got to college but then again neither did Hanna. Hanna visits Emily at her school sometime before Christmas break and they manage to sneak into some club that ends up being packed with frat guys and sorority girls. Not exactly Emily's scene, but Hanna says she just wants to dance, so they drink until Emily thinks that dancing sounds like fun too.

They move together in time with the beat of the music, blaring through the speakers, and both of them end up shrugging off different guys who try to dance with them. It gets so bad that Hanna has to physically shove a guy off of her, so she grabs Emily's hand and drags her to the bathroom. Amazingly, there's no line and Hanna swiftly locks them inside the tiny restroom.

"Sometimes I really hate guys," the blonde breathes out, rolling her eyes and looking at herself in the mirror.

"Me too," Emily replies with a laugh, "well, more than sometimes."

"I really missed you," Hanna says, turning back to Emily, with a look in her eyes that the brunette had never seen before.

"I missed you too. More than I wanted to admit," the brunette responds, looking back at Hanna with a look to match.

They looked at each other like that for a moment, the only noise being the thumping of the bass from the music on the dance floor, and then at almost the exact same moment, both girls lunge forward.

The kiss was sloppy and desperate, but it was perfect in that moment. Hanna gets Emily pinned up against the door and she starts to trail kisses down her neck, biting down on the girl's shoulder.

They ignore the knocks on the door and the yells of other girls who are trying to pee.

**8. Glockenspiel Song – Dog Is Dead**

Graduating from High School always seemed like one of those things that you would look forward to, but it would never come, at least that's what it felt like to Hanna Marin. The ceremony had been surreal, and all of the parties after it had been even weirder. All of the girls, Hanna, Aria, Emily and Spencer, had decided to go to different schools. It was bizarre to think after everything they had gone through together, that they would be separated again. Distant.

Spencer's graduation party was the one that went late into the evening, and everyone had ended up at her house after their parties ended. There was a big bonfire going in her backyard and live music playing, tons of people inside and outside.

Hanna was standing away from all of the commotion, leaning against the front of the barn, watching everyone else talking, dancing and laughing. No one even seemed to notice that she was off by herself, in her own world. Except Emily.

"Hey, you okay?" the brunette asked, leaning next to Hanna.

"Yeah. It's just weird. Our lives are about to _really_ start aren't they?" the blonde questioned, glancing over at her friend before returning her gaze to the fire in the distance.

"I guess they are. It will definitely be weird. Not having you around. Or Aria and Spencer," Emily replied.

"I'll miss you the most. You know that right?" Hanna asked, looking back over at Emily.

"Yeah," she responded simply, grabbing Hanna's hand and intertwining their fingers together, "I do."

**Blood Prints – Wintercoats**

It's pouring down rain but Hanna doesn't care, she's not moving from her place in front of the giant tombstone and the newly placed sod over the recent grave. If the rain wasn't making her makeup run, then her tears certainly would have.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I never told you how much I really did love you. I never thought you would be gone so soon. We just had our moments and I didn't think we needed to talk about them. Not yet at least. I thought I had time, I thought we had time," the blonde girl sobbed, knowing how ridiculous she must look, talking to a hunk of stone.

"You were my best friend. What am I supposed to do without you? I'm always going to wonder. Wonder what would have happened if I spoke up. I swear, when they find out who did this, I'll kill them. You didn't deserve this. You were the good one," Hanna continued, her crying becoming more and more hysterical. She couldn't hear the car doors slam over her sobs, so when Aria and Spencer reached down and put hands on her shoulders, she jolted back.

"Come on Han, you're going to catch a cold. It's time to go home," Aria said in a soothing voice, trying to help her friend to her feet.

"We need to make A pay for this. This went too far. We have to," Hanna spat out before she once again became hysteric.

"We will," Spencer replied, stone faced, looking at the blonde, "we will."

As Aria helped Hanna into the car, Spencer turned back and looked at gravestone, the engraving clear as day:

_Emily Catherine Fields_

_August 28, 1995 – November 15, 2013_

_Beloved Daughter, Teammate, and Friend_

**MFEO: Pt. 2 - You Can Breathe – Jack's Mannequin**

They lay on Hanna's bed, and Hanna has her head on Emily's shoulder and her arms wrapped around the girl's waist. Emily is reading a book intently and Hanna sighs, "Remind me why you are reading right now?"

"It's _The Great Gatsby_, Han. You know I like to read the books before I see the movies. And I only have 3 hours to finish this since you are insisting on seeing the movie tonight," Emily replied, turning her attention back to the novel in her hand.

"Okay, I'm sorry, but Leo looks scrumptious in the previews," Hanna exclaimed, smiling to herself as she can see Emily rolling her eyes.

"I heard Carey Mulligan is really good in it too," the brunette adds casually, but Hanna knows what she really means.

"You are so typical! You totally have a thing for blondes. And you're a liar. Remember when you told me you didn't have a type?" Hanna teased, sitting up now and awaiting a response.

"I am not into blondes, and I don't have a type," Emily argues, but Hanna gives her an amused look.

"Let's see. Carey Mulligan, blonde. Alison, blonde. Samara, blonder. And let's not forget..." Hanna replies before trailing off, and leaning in to kiss Emily softly.

"Oh yeah, me. Blonde," Hanna finishes, smirking at her girlfriend.

"Fine. Maybe I do have a little thing for blondes," Emily admits, "But you've always been my favorite one."

Hanna smiles and lets her get back to her reading, excited for their date, now in approximately 2 hours and 53 minutes.

**I Know You Care – Ellie Goulding**

Emily's feelings for Hanna had always been there, but she knew better than to acknowledge them or regularly think about them. As if falling for Alison wasn't bad enough, it was just her luck that she would fall for Hanna too. So she dated Paige, and she genuinely did like the girl, she did, but she knew it wasn't the real thing. Hanna had a boyfriend and Emily was okay with that. She liked Caleb, he was a good guy and he treated her right, so it was never an issue. Being 'just friends' was easy and uncomplicated and Emily liked both of those things.

When Caleb and Hanna broke up though, it became harder for Emily to keep how she felt buried. She would spend more and more time with Hanna, and it gets to the point where Paige has to ask her if something is going on.

"Are you crazy? She's my best friend. My _straight _best friend," Emily replies, and Paige just nods, but two weeks later and they are breaking up anyways.

Emily will look over at Hanna in class and Hanna will look back and smile and it makes it really difficult for her to pay attention anymore.

They go to a late night movie and the town is deserted by the time it's over, so they walk home in silence, since they are the only two people out on the street. It's cold and there are sparkling Christmas lights above them, and Emily walks Hanna to her house first, pausing at her front steps.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Emily says, and as she turns to go, Hanna stops her.

"That's it?" Hanna asks, a small smile on her lips.

"What?" Emily responds, looking confused.

"No goodnight kiss?" the blonde questions, her smile more apparent. Before Emily can even respond, Hanna steps down and wraps her hands around the brunette's neck, leaning in slowly and softly kissing her lips.

When they finally pull away, Emily is looking at Hanna absolutely confused, and Hanna just shrugs and says, "It's always been there."


	2. 10 More

_**I seem to only be able to crank out random shorts/one-shots right now, so I figured I would post these as well. They are all different but some get darker. There is talk about suicide in #3 (That Home) and an abusive relationship in #5 (Wounded) so if you are uncomfortable reading material like that you should skip those! As always I love and appreciate all of the feedback I receive from you guys! **_

_**I want to give a special shoutout to dmpanda5 for all of your kind words and consistent reviews of my stories. You rock! On with the Hannily...**_

**1. We Looked Like Giants – Death Cab for Cutie**

When it rains it pours. That's what Emily thinks to herself as she looks across the street, during her usual Friday night shift at work, and see's Hanna having dinner with Caleb. It was bad enough that he was back, after being gone for almost a _year_, and it was bad enough that Hanna chose him, but does Emily really have to be subjected to a clear view of the date?

When Caleb left to follow his father to Ravenswood Hanna had cried for days but she understood why he was going. The two tried to remain friends, but it ended up being too hard so they cut off all contact. That's when Emily and Hanna started to get close, _really close. _Months later and they hadn't exactly made it official, but in Emily's eyes they were dating. Neither of them were seeing anyone else and they really loved each other. They did. Until Caleb came back.

Hanna didn't know what to do and it pissed Emily off that she thought there was a choice to be made. But Caleb was her first love and Hanna seemed to think that she owed it to him to try again, to reconnect, to see if they could be what they once were.

Emily eventually thinks about it and understands that it's hard to forget a first love, and if Alison was still around who knows what their situation would be. But it doesn't make seeing her with him any easier.

It's not even a full week later when Hanna shows up outside of Emily's house, crying, saying she's sorry and she messed up and she was scared. Emily wants to be able to kiss her and tell her it's okay and let everything go back to normal. She really does. But she can't.

She remembers how Alison would flaunt her boyfriends in front of her and suddenly Hanna's hair starts to look like a different shade of blonde.

**2. Feel So Close – Calvin Harris**

All Hanna wants to do the summer before the girls go off to college is take a road trip somewhere. Anywhere. She tries to convince everyone how fun it could be, but Spencer is already busy with summer classes and the club field hockey team starts their practices a month before fall classes begin. Aria has to go to some art camp for three weeks before her move-in date and manages to avoid committing to a trip until it's too late and she has to leave.

Emily says she will go with her though, and that just adds to the reasons why Hanna loves Emily the most. Hanna wants to go to New York City so that she can soak up the fashion world and pretend that her life is _Sex & the City_, even if just for a day or two. They take Emily's car and Hanna blasts her playlists that consist mostly of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake and whoever is on the radio these days.

Emily rolls her eyes when Hanna flirts with all of the truckers at the rest stops for fun, and Hanna rolls her eyes when Emily tries to play a Circa Survive song when she thinks Hanna has fallen asleep.

They walk all over the city, Hanna dragging Emily into countless stores and pointing out all of new styles and trends. The entire time Emily just smirks and nods and doesn't even care that she has no interest in anything they do, because she's with her best friend and there's nothing she loves more than seeing Hanna smile.

Hanna insists they go to a gay club on their last night, since they haven't done anything for Emily the entire time they've been in the city. Whenever anyone hits on either of them they just pretend to be dating, but eventually one girl, who is talking to Emily, gets very persistent and calls them out. "I don't think you're really her girlfriend. You haven't touched each other all night," she says to Hanna, almost like a challenge. Hanna immediately pulls Emily into a kiss, but even when she senses the random girl has walked away, she doesn't stop. Emily finally breaks them apart and just looks at her friend, trying to hide the stupid grin on her face.

"You liked that didn't you?" Hanna asks, and Emily stutters trying to formulate some defense, but instead she just turns bright red. "It's okay, I did too," Hanna finishes, before kissing the brunette on the cheek and leading her out of the club with a smile.

**3. That Home – The Cinematic Orchestra**

Life hadn't turned out the way that Hanna Marin had expected it to. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to be a better person, and to give more than she would take, she still experienced terrible moment after terrible moment, heartbreak after heartbreak. She used to be strong, she really did, but that part of her crumbled after so many years of hurt.

If someone had told her in high school that A would never truly be gone, that even when everything seemed to be solved something horrible would go wrong once again, and almost everyone she ever cared about would be affected, she probably would have tried to end everything sooner.

Hanna knew that pills and a bottle of vodka was cliché, but she didn't care anymore, she just couldn't. So as she lay there, waiting for it all to go dark, she thought of random moments in her life that had given her a sliver of hope.

She hears a voice yelling and the only reason she knows it's actually real is because it's saying, "Open the door, Hanna. Please open the door."

She could recognize that voice anywhere. It's Emily's. Emily, who was the only person who never disappeared on her, ever. Emily, who taught her how to swim when she was ten, how to love when she was twenty, and how to forget by the time she turned twenty-five.

She feels all of the poison she's pumped into her body start to take effect, and she decides it's only right that the last voice she ever hears is Emily's.

When Hanna wakes up she feels someone holding her hand, and when she gets enough strength to open her eyes, all she can see is brown staring back at her, full of love and concern.

She can't tell if this is heaven or hell on earth.

**4. Let Me In – Tim Victor & Segal**

Emily is constantly conflicted and she's getting sick of this always being the story of her life.

This time it's not about coming out, or A, or continuing to swim, or Paige McCullers, or Maya St. Germain, or where to go to college, or even Alison DiLaurentis herself.

This time it's about Hanna Marin.

She's gotten under Emily's skin, but she's fighting it, and it's certainly a losing battle.

Not under her skin in the bad way, the mean way, the annoying way. Under her skin in the sense that she's inside Emily, she's a part of Emily, but the brunette doesn't want to let her in, not completely, because she's scared.

So maybe it's a little bit about Alison DiLaurentis, because Emily went down the path of falling for a best friend, letting her in, and she just got burned in the end. The probability that Hanna would be the same way is high.

But then she remembers how Hanna is gentle when Ali would have been rough, and how she doesn't play games when Ali most certainly would have.

But there is still a fear, deep under Emily's skin, deeper than the layers that Hanna has gotten under, so she doesn't let go, she doesn't open up.

Hanna will look at Emily and Emily feels like she can see right through her, that she can see everything going on in her brain, and so she tries to close herself off even more.

Eventually the blonde asks her, "When are you going to let me in?" and that's all it takes.

Emily lets her in. But Hanna doesn't step on her heart; she holds it close to her own instead.

**5. Wounded – Third Eye Blind**

Hanna gets engaged pretty young, at twenty-three, to her boyfriend that she met her senior year of college. The two buy a condo together and plan to marry within the year. Hanna is convinced this is everything she could possibly want in life, and when she tells Aria, Spencer and Emily the good news, they are all excited and happy for her.

Jared is a nice enough guy, he hardly ever drinks and he's got a secure job with a steady income. Hanna thinks she feels safe with him.

She asks Emily to be her maid of honor and the brunette beams when she accepts the offer.

Two months into the wedding planning and Jared starts to go out drinking with his buddies. Hanna finds it odd that he waited until now to drink, but she had her moments in college, so she decides it's harmless and lets him have his fun.

Until he stops telling her where he's going, and when he comes home the following morning with no excuse as to why he couldn't call her or text her at all the previous evening. That's when Hanna gets mad.

One night he stumbles in at three in the morning completely belligerent. Hanna tells him to grow up and cut the crap, and that's when he hits her for the first time.

Her cheek stings and she's in shock so she simply retreats to their bedroom, locks the door, and goes to sleep. He apologizes the next morning, and promises it will never happen again and that he won't drink anymore. Hanna is engaged to this guy, they share a house, and their lives are completely intertwined. So, she believes him.

He doesn't keep his promise. He comes home drunk. Hanna tells him she's done.

This time he doesn't stop after one slap.

Once she gets out of the house she walks all the way to Emily's apartment and when Emily answers the door and see's the state that Hanna is in, she bawls.

The wedding is off, Jared's facing assault charges, and Hanna breaks down. Aria and Spencer do their best to be there for her, but they don't know how to act around her most of the time. No one really does. Except Emily.

Emily's there to hold her when she needs to be held, to leave her alone when she needs her space, and to build her back up, one step at a time. The more Hanna thinks about it, the more she realizes that Emily's always been the one building her up, no matter what, for the past thirteen years. She starts to see Emily in a different light, and as much as it scares her, she also finds it amusing that it's taken her so long to see what's right in front of her.

Emily must have been feeling it too because one night they're decorating Hanna's new place, and she suddenly stops what she's doing and says, "I want to kiss you."

Hanna simply looks up and replies, "So kiss me."

Later, they sit on Hanna's porch looking around her yard at all of the flowers that have started to bloom. It's calm. Peaceful. Hanna feels safe. Knows that she's safe.

"You're a marigold," Emily says to her as they watch the sunset. All Hanna can do is smile.

**6. Set It On Fire – My Darkest Days**

Sometimes when Emily is kissing Paige she can't help but pretend, just for a moment, that she's kissing Hanna.

She knows it's wrong. Not only because Hanna is one of her best friends, but also because Paige has been nothing but supportive recently, especially with the A stuff.

It's just that some days Emily will crack a joke and Paige won't get it, and she can't help but think that if Hanna were there she would be hysterically laughing too. Paige can be funny, but she just doesn't get the humor that Hanna and Emily share together, no one really does.

And let's face it; Emily has always had a thing for blondes. She refuses to acknowledge it if anyone else brings it up, but she knows it's absolutely true. It's not that Emily has to end up with someone blonde, but she can't help but see the distinct pattern when it comes to her attraction to other girls.

Hanna just moves differently than her girlfriend does and Emily can't help but notice it. Notice the way that the blonde throws her hair around, or how her smile can light up an entire room. Notice how Hanna looks good in literally _anything_ she wears, or how she will always cuddle up to Emily over the other girls.

It's the sad truth, but Emily knows that if Hanna ever wanted her, she would take her relationship with Paige and set it on fire. She would let it burn.

**7. Blue Jeans – Lana Del Rey**

Hanna is standing in the middle of her bedroom, forehead pressed against Emily's, hands wrapped around the other girl's neck, trying to figure out what to do. Emily has her arms around Hanna's waist, but they just stand there. Emily's looking at Hanna and Hanna's eyes are flicking around her room as she thinks. She knows Emily won't make the move, it's up to her if the line gets crossed.

Friendship is a valuable thing and it can be a very fragile thing as well. Once it's broken it can be hard to repair, and if you have a truly great friendship, you should hang onto it as long as you can. Hanna doesn't want to mess up the friendship she has with Emily because she can't imagine life without her. They have been best friends for so many years. She knows she should walk away from this, let them stay friends, let it all stay uncomplicated, and be able to have her by her side forever.

But there's the other side to it all, the other part of her that reminds her that if she doesn't do this, if she doesn't cross that line, she will always wonder. Wonder what it would have been like, wonder what they could have been. Can she watch Emily be with other people, get married, have children, and not care, not even a little bit? Could she commit to someone else for the rest of her life, even though she would constantly be wondering in the back of her mind about her best friend?

Hanna finally lifts her eyes up to meet Emily's gaze. And then she leans in.

**8. Losing A Whole Year – Third Eye Blind**

When Emily looks back on it, she realizes that her favorite moments from her relationship with Hanna were seemingly the most boring ones. The days that they would spend in bed together, not doing anything productive or exciting, those were her favorite days. She supposes that fits because they had never been the most romantic pair. She wonders if she tried to be more romantic if Hanna would have stayed.

As much as she loved Hanna, Emily should have known it was doomed from the start. The blonde girl had eating disorder issues and daddy issues, and some days it felt like she was just using Emily to try and get back some of the love she felt like she had lost over the years, the love she didn't seem to get in her childhood. Whenever Emily would try to talk to her about that stuff, the serious stuff, Hanna would cut her off with a kiss, and that would lead to more time consuming distractions.

They had been together for a year, a whole year. But Emily will wonder what exactly "together" really meant to the blonde girl. She thought she knew, she thought it all made sense when it was happening, but looking back on it she can't seem to clearly define what they were.

The most ironic thing about it all was that Hanna had never really listened to Emily. She had never heard what the brunette was trying to say. She couldn't hear when Emily would tell her that she _loved _her; she just wasn't listening, not really. It was ironic because that's what Hanna was searching for all along.

One year, that's how long it took Emily to realize that no matter how much she loved Hanna, Hanna could never love her back, because she still couldn't love herself. But it was too hard for the brunette to be the one to walk away, even though she knew that she should.

Hanna started seeing a therapist and she was trying to get better but the medicine that she got on just made her worse. That's when Hanna became the one to walk away, the one that left Emily behind.

Emily will never know for sure if it was just the medicine talking, but she has the sinking feeling that it wasn't.

**9. Au Revoir – OneRepublic**

Hanna doesn't really care for labels, but she knows that she's been boy crazy since she was probably three years old. She never thought about girls in a romantic way growing up, and she had wondered about who her husband would be ever since she can remember.

The older she gets, the more she thinks it's absolutely ridiculous that people care so much about who other people want to be with. Who cares if two boys like each other or two girls want to date each other? Humans like connecting with each other, she doesn't get why it's such a big deal who is connecting with who. This eventually makes her think about human interactions and how sometimes people must miss out on a legitimate connection with someone else, just because they think it's wrong or abnormal, and that makes her sad.

She believes in soulmates, and she thinks that it doesn't necessarily mean you're in love with each other, but that it just means you _get _each other so perfectly that it's one of the most special things you can ever experience with someone.

Emily Fields can be so different from the blonde that when Hanna feels that connection with her, she's somewhat confused. It doesn't take long for her to realize that being only seventeen years old she has found her soulmate and she's one of her best friends. That's okay, she decides, because who said that soulmates have to be romantic?

Hanna knows that just because she's going to a different college than her friends doesn't mean she's never going to see or talk to them again, but it doesn't make her feel any less sad. Especially sad she has to leave Emily, because if there are seven billion people in this world and you actually find your soulmate, why would you ever want them to fall out of your life?

She saves Emily's goodbye for last, and when the time comes Hanna kisses her. It's slow and soft and sweet. Emily doesn't look shocked or confused when they break apart, instead she smiles and leans in for another one.

Hanna's not totally sure what possessed her to do it but all she knows is that it felt right. It feels right.

She knows there are a million reasons why her and Emily couldn't and shouldn't make it as a romantic couple, but she knows that whatever they have together is way past best friends. Hanna has no clue what's going to happen in the future with them or how anything will end up, but she is so incredibly happy that she got to experience this with Emily; the connection that everyone wants to have at least once in their life, no matter how complicated it is.

So she soaks up everything about that goodbye, because it's just one of those moments that you can never forget even if you try.

**10. Tiny Vessels – Death Cab for Cutie**

Emily bites down on Hanna's neck and she knows immediately that it's going to leave a mark, but she doesn't care. They're pushed up against each other in the last stall of the girl's bathroom and Emily knows that their lunch period is almost over, so they have to hurry up.

This has become routine for them, but she knows that Hanna wants more. Hanna wants to talk and go on dates and cuddle and Emily just doesn't think she can do it. She lost Alison, she lost Maya, and she even lost Paige. She wants Hanna to fill the void left behind by them but she can't, as much as she tries.

Emily knows that Hanna is beautiful, inside and out, but she can't love her in the way that Hanna wants Emily to love her. She knows that sleeping with her just makes it worse, but it's a temporary distraction and Emily will take what she can get.

When they finish Hanna whispers, "I love you," and it kills Emily because she can't understand why a girl who could have anyone they wanted would pick her. The blonde exits the stall and starts applying cover-up to the marks on her neck and the bell rings, signaling them to get back to class.

"See you in chemistry," the blonde says with a wink before she heads out into the hallway, leaving Emily alone by the sinks. She thinks that maybe she could act nicer to the other girl, that maybe she could say "I love you too," just to make her feel better, that maybe she _could_ learn to love her.

She decides that for Hanna, she'll try.


End file.
